For You!!!

Zindagi jeena seekha hai tumse
khul kar hasna seekha hai tumnse
tum se hi toh khushi hai saari
tumhi se zindagi humari
tumhi ho meri muskurahat, jaan bhi tumhi ho...
tumhi hi ho meri dhadkhan, aur imaan bhi tumhi ho...

Tum!!!

Tum aye ho meri zindagi mein rango ki bauchar bankey,
Tum se hi din shuru hota hai aur tum hi pe aakar khatam,
Tumhara naam lekar soti hun aur tumharey khayal lekar jaagti hun,
Tum hi tum ho har taraf, har jagah....

Tum ho toh main bhi hun tumhare bina main kuch bhi nahi
Tumse milkar zindagi muskurayi hai, phir se khilkhilayi hai,
Tum hi meri zindagi ka maqsad aur tum hi har iraada,
Tumne mujhe gehrayion se kheench key bahar nikala,
Tumne mujhe phir se jeena sikhaya, ik naya rasta dikhaya....

Tum hi ho chahat meri, tum hi merey dost ho
Tum ho meri zindagi aur tum hi ho meri har duaa,
Tumhare saath har safar teh karna hai
tumhare sang hi chalna hai, tumhare sang hi marna hai....

Zindagi ho Tum meri, har saans mein sirf tum ho basey
Aisa kab huya humain bhi nahi maloom!!!
Kab tum ek dost se mere sab kuch ban gaye!!!
Tum ho meri jaan, tum hi meri zindagi
Tum hi ho meri har khushi, tum hi meri har khwaish,
Tum hi ho meri justju, tum hi meri har azmayish,
Tum hi ho har raah ki manzil, tum hi meri manzil ki raah....

Tum hi ho rang, tum hi khusbu,
Tum hi ho har pal mere saath,
Tum hi mujh se durr bhi
Tum hi meri subah, tum hi meri sehar,
Tum hi ho har lamha, aur tum hi har pehar
Tum hi ho meri chahat
Tum hi khuda ki inaayat
Tum hi mera sukh, tum hi meri riwayat
Tum se hai har din, tum se hi har raat
Tum hi meri aankhon mein, tum hi mere jazbaat....

Tum bas tum aur sirf tum.........................

Liberated/Redeemed

Liberated I feel after letting go
how long could i hold on to regret and woe.
I know the time has come to cut loose the noose
I need to let go off the agony and the brutal bruise
I need to break free from the pain and agony.

I need to walk beyond the yesteryears
to break away from the shackles of the past
to clear away the cobwebs of memories.
I need to fill my soul with the warmth of the sun
to thaw away the coldness and fight away the numbness.
I need to bring back feelings to lighten up my life
I want the colours to blossom and the spring to clean my mind.
I need the morning freshness and the joy back in my life
I have to be a fighter and not a coward in disguise.

I lost a lot to thinking and shouldering all the blame
the burden was too heavy for me to sustain.
I started sinking under the weight of my loss
never once did i try to blame anyone at all.

Some came and made it wonderful
Some made me hurt like hell
Some made me feel like i was the worst person in the whole wide world.
But, I am liberated off the burdens and have no one to blame
I have just forgiven one and all because i cannot be them and they cannot be me.
We all are different people caught up in our own regimes.

When the heart is full of darkness and you have no way to walk
your inner spirit leaves you and you walk about lost.
You lose yourself to self doubt, and feel your journey has come to an end.
But, somewhere deep within, you know you haven't reached your goals as yet.
You know you have lost it all, but you cling on to that one last straw with all your might.
You know deep down within your heart that this last straw may bring some respite.
This for sure is the toughest time of ones life.
But you have got to hold on tight, because around the corner is the shining light, it will guide you to a new day and a new way,
That is when you know for sure that you have been redeemed.

How often have you lied? How often have your lies cost you everything or next to everything in your life? How big a crime is it to lie? Sometimes, don't you wish for something with all you have? And, when that wish of yours is granted what do you do? Sometimes when you have what you wished for and you fear you will lose it, Will you lie out of that fear so that you do not lose your precious belonging? Lying is that you are keeping the truth from someone...Have you never lied? Will you never lie? Are you always honest? Do you think it is fair to look into the reason, the very reason a person lied? The intention of the person does it not matter? How heavily will you punish someone if you find out you have been lied to? What will you do if you lied and what will you do if someone else lied to you? Will you turn your back towards someone you hold near and dear because that person lied to you? Does a lie end a relationship? Should you hold up the other person for the lie without considering the circumstances?


If you havent lied ever, be hated to be lied to...
If you havent tried ever, then spurn the other person for trying...
If you havent wished and hoped for something, then look down upon someone who did...
If someone gives you importance so much of importance that he/she forgets about ones own existence do you think it is worth giving this someone a chance?
If someone has loved you will all his/her heart and soul is a lie good enough to break away all ties?
Is a lie a reason good enough to punish someone to such an extent that the person isn't able to come out of it ever?


Questions I have been battling with for sometime now...They keep coming back to me every now and then...The trumoil doesnt seem to stop...My head is a boiling pot...mixes of all kinds, flavors of various thoughts, essence of various ideas, and recipes of various doubts are present all the time...The mind refuses to cool down...

Random Shayari...

Zindagi mein gham aur bhi hai mohabbat ke siwa...
Humain toh raas na ayi, na sahi, usko woh sab mile jiski usne tamanna ki hai.
Waqt na tha tera, na hi mera
Soch ke hasil toh humne kuch kabhi kiya nahi hai
Zindagi mein thokar kha kha kar sambhle hain
Doosro ko sambhalain yeh hi karna accha hoga
Tu aur tera gham, main aur mera gham saathi hain, humdard hain, aur humsafar bhi
Aa mil baant ke gham kuch halke kar lain
Chalna toh tujhe bhi hai mujhe bhi...

Questions!!!

This is a part of my post written earlier. Was reading through my old posts and this particular bit from an old post struck me. I am re-posting the text with a few additions to the original piece:

"True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will Not be."
Of course i do agree with what has been written in the sentence above. True love is to accept the other person as he/she is, accept the other person for what he/she is, accept the persons past, mistakes, and blunders. What really matters is that person and you, your present with him/her, and your future with him/her. But, how easy is it to accept that will NOT be? When you know that the person you love will never be yours how easy is it to accept the fact? When you know the person you have loved the most in your life will leave never to return. Can you avoid the heartbreak and the heartache? If it is best to let go, then why is it the most painful thing to do? When love is accepting what will Not be why is it the hardest thing to do? Not that life stops, it doesn't we all have learned our lessons of moving on, but that moment you have to move on is the longest and heartrending.

Sometimes you DO NOT want to let go, you DO NOT want to accept that which will NOT be. You want to hold on with all your might like you are fighting for your life. It is said that if you really really want something very badly keep trying and you will get it. But, you know no matter how hard you try things will not go the way you want them to.

Isn't hope all that we have, no matter how openly glaring is the truth right in front of our eyes, we shut our eyes and guard them against the glare. We hope that Maybe, Maybe our souls will be saved by the one we love and he/she will be here to stay never to go away...

I guess i am keeping that hope alive somewhere deep down inside, though i know there is no hope at all, but, such is life...

But, today I do not have hopes, I have let go, I know that my hopes have no meaning. These will never be fulfilled. I know that in life you have to keep up the fight, but fight against what and who, someone you love but that person does not want you...
Hahaha! I laugh at my stupidity and my ignorance i mock myself for being such a duck...I hoped against hope for something so bad but no matter what i do it will never be had... I have no more faith, no hope, I have no life left...My soul will not be saved, I am a lost case... :)
Try Try as i may i will not succeed...That is the truth that i need to accept and recede...

Colourless...

I wonder if my life will ever be what i thought it would be...
With the struggles manifold i am growing old
The reasons to live, the zeal to give, everything is lost
Colourless and drab, only full of ash
Darkness complete, with no light to see
Living a misery completing the degree
The degree of life to be gotten at death
My schooling is over with nothing more to read
Life my teacher has abandoned me
Leaving me at a blind curve
I may want to carry on from here
But i choose to wither and perish
Rather than pick up the pieces and stitch them together
I am a loser you must say
A loser to be what I am
I think this will be it
I'v lost my chance...

Cursed

I have been cursed with inevitable bad luck, no matter what i do, infact it's got everything to do with what i have done, did, and do. I don't know why but I have the knack of doing wrong things at the wrong time. These of course always backfire, and recently something changed my entire life. Just when i thought that life has taken a favourable turn and I have reached a point where i couldn't have been happier and was not seeking for anything beyond. Well, pop appears my ill fate and says, "Hey! Wait, You have no right to be happy. I let happiness slip by your way just to take it away from you and make you ever more miserable."
We do a lot of things in life, most things i do are wrong and I haven't been more sure of it like I am today. I am convinced of the fact that I cannot do anything right. But, not too long ago uptil yesterday I had thought that I have done something right in life, the feeling had never been better and so right ever before. Infact, I did do something right for once but whatever wrong i had done in the past took away my present from me. I saw everything I ever had come tumbling and crashing down right in front of me. I stand helplessly watching things break down and do not have the power to make them go back to being right.
I have lost everything I ever had, and I do not seek anything further in my life. I got happiness like I had never been happier before. I think i will live with the feeling that one brief period in my life was all that I could have ever asked for. I will live with the memories, the treasured and precious moments of my life...

Questions Unanswered

"True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be."
I read these lines somewhere and these immediately grabbed my attention. First and foremost what comes to my mind is that how many of us believe we have experienced "True love". Is there any difference in when you love someone and when you truly love someone? Do degrees of love differ from person to person? Can I safely say "I love You" to someone and every syllable uttered has nothing but feelings so full of love that the other person feels the intensity completely? But, these questions were actually secondary, what came to my mind upfront was that if true love is neither physical, nor romantic then why do we always want to feel the presence of the person we love? Why can we do anything to get just a glimpse of that person? Why do we feel out of the world with just one touch of that one special person? Why do we long to hold that persons hand forever, sit side-by-side in complete silence and feel blissful? Why do we want to be with that person all the time and pass days and nights just being with that someone? Why does it feel so good when you know that the other person feels the same way for you? When we know that the other person is in love with us and we love the other person then why do we want that he/she and me come together to be Us?

"True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will Not be."
Of course i do agree with what has been written in the sentence above. True love is to accept the other person as he/she is, accept the other person for what he/she is, accept the persons past, mistakes, and blunders. What really matters is that person and you, your present with him/her, and your future with him/her. But, how easy is it to accept that will NOT be? When you know that the person you love will never be yours how easy is it to accept the fact? When you know the person you have loved the most in your life will leave never to return. Can you avoid the heartbreak and the heartache? If it is best to let go, then why is it the most painful thing to do? When love is accepting what will Not be why is it the hardest thing to do? Not that life stops, it doesn't we all have learned our lessons of moving on, but that moment you have to move on is the longest and heartrending.

Sometimes you DO NOT want to let go, you DO NOT want to accept that which will NOT be. You want to hold on with all your might like you are fighting for your life. It is said that if you really really want something very badly keep trying and you will get it. But, you know no matter how hard you try things will not go the way you want them to.

Isn't hope all that we have, no matter how openly glaring is the truth right in front of our eyes, we shut our eyes and guard them against the glare. We hope that Maybe, Maybe our souls will be saved by the one we love and he/she will be here to stay never to go away...

I guess i am keeping that hope alive somewhere deep down inside, though i know there is no hope at all, but, such is life...

Today!!!

Today, after a long long time i feel like talking and letting it all out. But, something holds me back I have no clue what is it that refuses to let the pent up feelings come out.

Sometimes i am filled with malice for one and all and sometimes i think that i am wrong in holding others accountable for my ill-fate.

Misery Has Taken It's Toll...

The beads of sloemn misery roll
Heartbreak and pain have taken their toll
Once again my hopes soared
The songs of life rose
There was happiness and joy
No reasons to cry
No malice, nothing tragic
The heart danced to the rhythms of life...

But, this was not to last
There was a devil waiting at the bend
My heart tripped and fell, shattered into pieces never to see the daylight again
I sit in silence, the songs have long been sung
The dances are over with the beat
The dusk has set in and the night is falling
Silence speaks to me in it's high piercing tone
Pain wraps it's blanket around me
Hurt embalms my heart
Misery strokes my head...

Where there was life, there is nothing left
The remnants of those happy days can be seen in the empty eyes
Life has long past left my side
Now, all you see is the body
The soul has seized to exist...

Stifled

When the heart is full of sadness, and tears brim up the eyes.
When love is what you are missing, and wishes are what you live by.
When you know you have that someone, but you are still waiting in oblivion, and you feel you are all alone.
It is then you pray that you should learn to live on your own, because the soul hurts and cries and the yearning never dies.
You have nothing to live by and your feelings stifle your heart dry.
the reasons to take you through the hopeless phase seem to die.
It is then that you realize there is nothing more you want to do, but cry.
But, somehow the tears don't leave the eyes and you bleed slowly inside...

Random Thoughts

I had written this post ages ago and had posted it on my previous blog. Since, I am not very regular with updating my blog and posting new posts therefore, I forgot my previous blog login i.d. and password. Yes i actually did, I am that bad with my blog. I have lots that goes on inside my head but i never seem to write it down. If I did there would probably be two-three posts everyday or maybe more.

Well, here is an old post titled Random Thoughts:

The sky is gray,
The day is glum,
The wind is chilly…
Sitting by the window of the cab, I sit and write this.
I have not put pen to paper for a long, long time. Today I just felt like it so pulled out my small little handmade paper notebook and began writing.

What am I thinking of? Nothing!
Do I have anything on my mind to write about? No!
I do not have any new verse in my head.

Ooooh!!! It is drizzling!!! It is a beautiful morning. Listening to "Take Off " on AIR FM RAINBOW. Just a perfect combo, the only thing missing is a cup of hot steaming coffee. Oh Wow! Well the rooftop of my cab right above my head is leaking. Pitter patter fall the drops right on my head.

Isn't this so much like life, there are open wounds, both big and small cracks, you let one thing slip and your world comes tumbling down like a pack of cards. One day you wake up to a brand new day and yet another morning is nothing but a drag from yesterday. One day we are happy to discover something new ourselves, others or something generic.

Hey! My favourite song's playing on the radio. "What's going on"
It is just so apt for me, "25 years and my life and still, I’m trying to get up that great big hill of hope…"
"Lying in bed, just to get it all out, What's in my head..."
"I say hey-ey-ey yeah, hey-ey-ey yeah, yeah, yeah, and I say hey What's going on…"

Well the songs over and am back to my random thoughts. Aren't the chains of thoughts like jigsaw puzzles that are inter-related in some way but never fit perfectly well together to solve the puzzle. I guess that is a bad analogy, but, what the heck!! That's mine and I am proud of it.

Well I am going back to the bit where I wrote that, no I don't have any verses in my head. I have a confession to make that my best ever verses or thoughts have been born in my head and died there as well. Just like babies get nourishment in the womb, but some never see the daylight as this very source of their birth turns to be their grave. I know that the imagery is dark and somber. I just can not put pen to paper when I have some of the best rhymes, because when I do try they just vanish into thin air.

Oh! Another of my favourite song is being played on the radio, "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia. I just love this track. Well I have filled in quite a bit, whereas I thought
I have nothing to write about. That is what I believe what people mean when they talk about POTENTIAL. We never know, What we are Capable of.

Whatever, I have written is not in order, nor in neatly built up paragraphs, nor does it transition smoothly from one idea to another. That is just me. I cannot keep within the bounds of writing in a well thought, preconceived manner. I write and similarly live my life in a random fashion. What I do does or does not make sense to others. But, it is perfectly alright for me. Why should I justify my life to others? I do not like slotting others in categories and I hate it when others try and judge me.

I don't think there is a right or wrong. What is right according to me may be wrong according to you and vice versa. Do you think I hate the world? If you did then you are absolutely wrong. I love the world, every bit of it, I live here, I have learnt through good and bad but all through my experiences. I have learnt that nothing really belongs to me. Isn't everything made to be broken…

No Clue

Life a four lettered word seems simple yet so complicated...

It gets difficult with every new day to be able to decide what is right or wrong for you (here of course me.)

One needs to think and ponder and thrash things out wont this be a better option than the other one and why would one option be better when compared to others. I have no clue...Do you??

Broken Wings

This poem was written by me on September 9th 2006.

I've learnt to fly with broken wings
The sky is mine, it defines my space
I soar and rise
I flap and fly
I've learnt to hide the pain within....

My heart is bleeding
My soul is wounded
My wings are broken
I carry the pain within.....
I've learnt to fly with broken wings

I want to scream, I want to howl
But, Ive learnt to keep silence prevailing
I'm carrying shattered dreams broken hope,
unfulfilled desires
I'm steeped in misery, quiet sorrow
I'v learnt to live with all of these....
They have become a part of me.

I'v won it all. I'v lost it all.
I'v cried in pain, I'v battlled the tears.
I'v been happy, but sadness prevails
I'v lost a battle against myself
So, I'v learnt to fly with broken wings.

Me Today

Let it rain....
Oh let it rain.....
It's been ages and i have'nt gained a thing
I feel hollow and constrained
so let it rain
let the rain wash away the pain

Let it rain to clean the mess
There is no ray of hope around
let me gain a new horizon
a rainbow to paint the sky
to bring deliverance from the grief
to bring joy.....

Iv gained experience...
but at the cost of being hurt...
I have learned to trust....
but have'nt learned not to distrust....
I want to be loved...
and am scared of rejection........
I need the confidence that i am not alone
I need to know that i have friends
These feelings are so great
they surround me everywhere
I am insecure.....

So let it rain....
so that i breathe the fresh new air of relief
my woes begone
I sit in peace with myself....

The Unknown

The fangs are deep within my skin. No! they have reached my bones.
I am as numb as i could be and i dont feel the pain anymore.
The reasons to live are far fetched and the reasons to go on like fairy tales.
I build up these castles in the air everyday, just to keep my soul alive.
Dreams are all that i have and they are temporary, never stay on
They abandon my thoughts and leave me alone with no one but despair.

I know that despair is my only friend, the pain is unbearable but i am so so numb.
I cant yell, i cant cry; the reasons i dont know why
I am looking for answers but dont know the questions
I live my life to be no one, i am around and yet not there.
I love to laugh but pay the price,
I see time slip by and i sit still coz iv lost my sanity
Im insane and yet so sane
I am a sinner and yet so pure
I hate my existence and i still keep living
I am a loser but i never give up
I need to break free and i stay put where i am
I am alone, and it shall be that ways.
I am waiting endlessly, but for what i have no clue.
I guess i'll keep waiting for the unknown till eternity.......

Thank You Gals!

I made an effort to start blogging but failed miserably. I was extremely bad at updating my blog. Do not remember my password and nor the silly question that I had marked to help me recover my password. Well I did not bother much about it anyhow until one day.
It was only a few days ago that I read a mail sent to me by Akash and it mentioned Richa putting up a post and picture of Aki (Akash) with his sweetheart Mich (Michelle.) The good news was that Aki and Mich are to tie the knot in October a reason for all of us to celebrate.

I went onto read Richa’s post on Aki (Akash) n Mich (Michelle) and this simple gesture of hers moved me deeply. I went on reading a few other posts by Richa. The one post that she had written for her dad on his birthday was another post that touched a chord somewhere in my heart. This was the time when I remembered Sayan (Sayantani) who always coaxed me to start blogging. So I started blogging but never with the faith that I can get to break the habit of being procrastinated and write religiously. So, here is another full hearted attempt to start afresh and start blogging. I would thank both Sayan and Richa. Sayan because I am so in love with the way she writes and have been very open about being a fan of hers. Sayan, because it was she in the first place who inspired me to start blogging and write. Richa, because your posts have given me the much needed impetus and boost to start blogging again. I dedicate this first post of mine to both awesome girls I know. So girls wish me luck and this post here is to let you know how in your own ways you have touched my life.